There's that first moment after you've made the transition to adulthood, realizing that those high times of gaming days are changing or already gone. It's at that moment, or soon thereafter, that you begin to ask yourself a lot of questions about how enjoying role-playing games fits into your life as busy as it has become.
It happened to me, but it affected me more heavily because my gaming group were friends first, and we happened to enjoy gaming together. When my friends were having weekly games, some rotating among games more than once a week, I wanted to join them, but the limited time I had with my girlfriend, who is now my wife and mother of my daughter, after a day's work or on weekends was already limited. Imagine not seeing her much during the week, Friday night rolls around, and I brush her off for a late-night D&D game. Not a smart move, as any man would tell you. Besides, I enjoyed our Friday nights together.
This wasn't the first thing to cause a change in our group cohesion, but it wasn't the last either. The life changes among the people in our group were a direct result of all of us simply growing up as mature adults, and there were many changes to come for all of us, especially me. (Hey, who's writing this article, after all?)
There was still a part of me that was jealous of my friends because their lives somehow allowed them to play these weekly game sessions. One campaign in particular looked to be a lot of fun, too. They were playing in a dragon-themed campaign as a party of monks, each with a unique ability or focus and allowed to multiclass freely. I got to play in two or three sessions as a monk/psychic warrior/Fist of Zuoken (psionic fist in the SRD), skipping every other week, but I had to throw in the towel. The game sessions would go on until 3-4 a.m. which was problematic for several reasons:
- I worked full-time, waking up for work at 6:30 in the morning, and was pretty tired by the time the game started that evening.
- By midnight, my brain was turning to mush. I couldn't keep up. My ADD (actually diagnosed as an adult) wasn't helping either.
- I wouldn't get to sleep sometimes until about 4:30 or even as late as 5:30 a.m. I had things to do on the weekend, and sleeping late wasn't always an option.
That's when I realized those days were gone. I found myself preferring shorter 4-hour sessions, bi-weekly at the most frequent, and on weeknights so as to not eat into my weekend time.
It was frustrating at first, but it was better than nothing. I threw myself into DMing the best damned Greyhawk campaign I could. When we got tired of that, I switched to Eberron, which had me even more engrossed.
Eventually though, that came to an end as well. First, one friend graduated with her Ph.D. and moved to Georgia. That was right before the Greyhawk campaign ended. Fortunately, we had just recruited another buddy of mine who was secretly a D&D nerd but tried to play Mr. Smooth in his personal life.1
As the year went on, two more friends left, one for Colorado and the other for California, and two others, who were playing in that Friday dragon-themed monk campaign, joined the team. The Eberron campaign continued on fairly well until finally I was the one leaving the state. By this point, I married the woman that was my girlfriend; we had made plans to move to Georgia, coincidentally the same neighborhood as the first friend who left the campaign and moved to Georgia.
The group toyed with the idea of continuing the game using MapTool, which we had used during face-to-face games, but for them, it wasn't about the game as much as it was about just getting together as a group of friends. Sure, we all took the characters and the stories seriously, but that was a secondary effect. We took it seriously out of respect for the group of friends getting together to enjoy the game.
I had a little secret at the time, too: my wife was pregnant. We didn't tell anyone because it was still too early. I knew in the back of my mind that this move, the new jobs, and her pregnancy would mean that playing D&D or any other RPG might not be the same for me anymore. I already covered in my introduction the transition from that point forward, so I won't waste time repeating it.
The period after moving to Georgia and finding a gaming group was tough. I wanted to run a game, but I didn't have a whole lot of free time anymore, and the location was too long of a drive for my taste. My wife didn't feel comfortable with them coming to our house as she knew nothing about them, unlike the previous group with whom we were friends well before a gaming group. The gaming style wasn't really my cup personal cup of tea either.
I lamented the loss. I yearned for the old group, my friends for years. We had a history. They were the ones who brought me into D&D to begin with. I had grown with them from fledgling player to Dungeon Master. All of the books I had acquired, all of the campaign and setting notes I had created, and all of the accessories I had purchased just sat there sad and lonely, looking for a new group of friends to enjoy them.
I tried to start a group with my cousin 2 and some friends, but the time factor was an issue, and getting them to learn the complex rules of D&D was frustrating. Actually, to their credit, they did well, but the game sessions were too sparse to exercise the rules enough so they would sink in. Even I was getting weary of the D&D rules. They were too cumbersome and the investment of time required was too great. I digress.
The lamentation continued. I even considered selling my D&D books, but I didn't have the heart to do so. You never know when you'll be able to jump into a game or if years later you'll want to kick off a game for old time's sake.
In the end, it was a matter of simply letting go, growing up, and moving on. It might sound condescending, rude, presumptuous, or arrogant to tell anyone else that they'd need to do the same, but the point is true. Even I had a hard time assuming such a direct approach. I enjoyed gaming a lot, and I didn't want to give it up. What I realized though was that I didn't have to give up gaming; I just had to give up how I thought of gaming. I had to look beyond just playing D&D and explore other game systems like Savage Worlds. Those people are still my friends, some are even reading this blog, but I've met some new friends as well. Gaming is still my hobby, but I share my time with my new hobbies -- my family, home, and career. Gaming has become my entertainment rather than my social focus, but it's still something that will always be a part of who I am.
What's your transition story? How did you adapt your gaming to fit into your new lifestyle?
1This was a coincidental discovery as I ran into him at a bookstore looking at World of Darkness and D&D books.
2The same cousin that was a closet D&D nerd in grade school. He also lived in the same neighborhood to which we had moved.
1 comment(s):
I had a similar 'letting go' experiance. I tried keeping the game together using maptool and DnD but it was still too much work. As stated in my intro, the mix that worked for me was Savage Worlds and Maptool.
Still, its hard to let go of something that's been a big part of your social and creative life. But once I did let go I felt incredibly free. Now I even have time to write. Hey, those creative juices have to go somewhere or they'll absess and explode in a gooey mess. :-)
Post a Comment