As a follow-up to Monday's post about the GenCon Seminar 'All Grown Up and Still Gaming,' Gnome Stew's DNAphil was kind enough to answer some questions about his inspirations for the seminar, his own personal experiences with the topic, and what to expect at the seminar itself.
What are some of your personal inspirations for designing this seminar?
My 30's. When I turned 30, I met my wife, and we started dating shortly thereafter. She was not a gamer and had some pretty specific ideas of what kind of relationship she wanted and what kind of life she wanted to live. At that point in my life, I was content with an apartment full of computers and running two campaigns a week. Needless to say, our visions of the future were not aligned. Ideas of owning a house, having kids, etc. were beyond my vision, but I was in love, and like all good relationships, you compromise to make it work.
So as we dated, we started to figure out how to blend gaming with a more 'adult' life. It was not easy, and we did a lot of work to find the right balance. There was a lot of give and take from both sides, but in the end, I got the best of both worlds: wife, house, kids, and a regular game every Sunday night.
As for the design of the seminar, the idea originally came from my wife who suggested that I run a seminar to help older gamers who have had trouble creating that balance as well as younger gamers who are getting ready to enter their first career, get engaged, or have their first child, and are not sure how their gaming will fit into their new lives.
Once I had the idea, it was easy to recruit more speakers. Vicki Potter is from Tabletop Adventures, and I have done several talks with her over the past few years under the moniker of The Masters of GM-Fu. She brings a great perspective to the topic as a wife who has a regular campaign and as a mother to a teenage gamer. Patrick Benson and Kurt "Telas" Schneider are fellow Gnomes; both are husbands, dads and established GM's as well.
The four of us chatted on and off over the past few months, sharing ideas, problems we have had, solutions, and such until we had an outline of what we wanted to talk about. It was a very natural process and a much richer set of topics than if I had tried to give the seminar alone. That is the beauty of collaboration.
Why is this topic a GenCon seminar rather than a blog post or article series?
In part because I knew I was going to GenCon, and I like to give one seminar each year. The topic could really be a series of articles, and there is a good chance that it will be sometime in the future. As a seminar, there is a real organic quality to the content of seminar. Depending on who attends, they will drive the focus and discussion. Also the real-time collaboration between the panel of speakers is something that is not easy to do in writing.
Besides what's obviously covered in the outline, what are some additional tidbits to which GenCon attendees can look forward, if any?
Well, I think the four of us are pretty funny, so expect some laughs. I think a number of us have some pretty funny stories in this area. I think the real unexpected material will be what arises from the Q&A section of the talk, what the other participants bring to the talk, and the solutions that arise on the spot.
Given the current state of the economy in the U.S. and responsibilities to family and work, it's not unreasonable to assume there are many adult gamers who might be interested in this seminar but are unable to attend this year. Do you plan to offer any online follow-ups about this topic after GenCon? Does the seminar address any of the issues facing unemployed gamers who are job hunting, are on limited budgets, or are having to relocate for employment?
We are working on a plan to record the talk. In the past, this has been a bit harder to accomplish than you would think. If we can get a quality recording of the talk, then I would expect we will make it available for download. I am sure that with Patrick, Kurt, and I being authors on Gnome Stew you will see a few articles come out based of the content of the talk.
We did not specifically address the topic of unemployed gamers, but its a great topic. It is one that I think we would all be happy to discuss at the seminar should it come up for discussion. In fact, Kurt just posted an article about 'Gaming on the Cheap', which would fit just what you are talking about.
According to the outline of the seminar, the three broader subjects to be covered are 'Gaming as an Adult,' 'Gaming and the Spouse,' and 'Gaming as a Parent.' Which of these resonates with your personal situation the most and why?
'Gaming and the Spouse' was the most important topic for me. It was the one that I had to work the hardest at, and the one that I am most pleased with the results. After some work, I have found a nice family-gaming balance that has allowed me to play in or run a game every week, without creating stress between my wife and I.
'Gaming as an Adult' would be my runner up since I did a lot of growing up after I met my wife. My children are very young, so 'Gaming as a Parent' has not been too much of an issue at this point, but one that will be coming up in the next few years.
Will the seminar cover combinations of scenarios such as non-gamer spouses and gaming as a parent? What about tips for resolving conflicts between gaming, work, relationships, and parenting?
The short answer is, 'Yes.' The older gamer often has career and family to juggle, so we will discuss how to create that balance between work, spouse, children, and gaming. As for tips, I don't want to give the candy store away, but I would say that the best tips for resolving these conflicts are like that in any relationship: mutual understanding, honesty, communication, and compromise.
The truth is that a married gamer with children and career, cannot game like he did when he was single and in high school or college. With that being a fact, you have to create a balance between all those areas, otherwise you are in for a lot of pain. So the best advice is to figure out what is most important to you in all those areas and then work to find a way to make them fit together. It won't be the same answer for each person, but there is a place where all of them are in balance; when you find it, you will be the happiest and the least stressed.
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